I would like to tell you that I haven’t blogged lately because I have been busy setting the world on fire (figuratively) with my wit and charm. I would like to tell you that I have been busy finding a cure for cancer, solving world hunger and negotiating peace talks in the Middle East. I would like to tell you that. But it wouldn’t be the truth. In actuality I have been busy banging my head against the wall trying to find out why the contact form I created for Ash Comics won’t work. I eventually figured out it is because I hadn’t installed FrontPage extensions on their host account, but that’s not the point.

I have also been busy trying to increase my score in Bud Redhead. I have whooped the pants off of that game and can play it in my sleep. The top 10 game scores are now all me, with number 1 being the perfect score where I got every point possible by jumping on vicious snails, swooping buzzards and killer dragon flies. I may or may not have used the cheat codes to get the perfect score. I’ll never tell.

And lastly I have been busy trying to figure out a way to keep from having the evil gastro doctor look down my throat into my pancreas with a scope that has a camera attached to the end of it. (I wonder if they let you order prints? I was thinking some nice 5 x 7’s would look nice on the living room wall, eh?) Finally I just told my evil doctor NO. Just say no, who would have thunk it? As a reward for just saying no, I get the distinct honor of having to drink a massive amount of something called barium on Friday. Now I have never had to have any sort of test which involved barium before, but I vividly remember my grandmother having a “barium enema” before in prep for a test at the hospital. I hope they stop and look at that big sign on my sphincter which says “exit only, no admittance” before trying to insert anything in there. It’s a one way road down there baby and if I won’t let my beloved husband travel down that route you can believe I am not about to let some lab technician have the pleasure. More information than you wanted to know, eh? Sorry about that.

Now if you’ll excuse me I need to get back to being busy, or not as the case may be. Now where did I put that resolution for world peace?

The hubster and I took a little road trip today to a small Indiana town called Lebanon. It’s only about an hour away from our little neck of the woods but as with most of Indiana, you have to travel deep in the sticks to get there. As we are driving along the winding country roads we happened upon numerous amounts of roadkill. Some fresh, some not so fresh. And of course, where there is roadkill, you will find the connoisseur of roadkill, the buzzard. As I watched the buzzards feasting on possum ala roadkill I couldn’t help but wonder, what did the buzzards do for food before the automobile was invented? Seriously, did they wait for some horse and buggy to accidentally hit a possum or raccoon and hope that the driver of said horse and buggy wouldn’t double back and grab the aforementioned roadkill for their very own dinner? Or did they just have to circle around waiting for possums and raccoons to die of old age? Yes, this is one of life’s great mysteries.

Winter has hit the Midwest with a vengeance. There is nothing like going into the kitchen to get a morning cup of coffee and seeing ice on the windows, inside the house. When I turn the heat up condensation covers the windows so you can’t see out of them. They make for good canvases to draw smiley faces on however.

On Thursday’s the hubster has to work until 7pm thanks to his new position at work. I don’t particularly care for his new Thursday hours, but it does afford me a little extra time in the kitchen to create masterpieces. Yesterday, being Thursday, I decided to play the role of a 1950’s housewife, and make meatloaf and macaroni and cheese. I put my own twist on it though and used Ina Garten’s (Barefoot Contessa) gourmet Macaroni and Cheese. It is made with cavatappi, sharp white cheddar and a divine gruyere cheese. Top the casserole with vine ripened tomatoes, then toss Japanese breadcrumbs (Panko) with melted butter and sprinkle over the tomatoes. It was sheer heaven. If you don’t want to search on the Food Network for her recipe, let me know and I’ll email it to you. The meatloaf was no simple concoction either. Made with an assortment of ground meats, I added chopped shallots, garlic, onion, peppers and spices, not to mention more of those divine Japanese breadcrumbs which I soaked in heavy cream. The results were amazing. I detest meatloaf, but this one I actually liked. The problem with all of this? I am on a diet. Did I eat any of the foods I slaved away all evening to make? Hell yes! I feel so ashamed.

Today would have been my grandmother’s birthday. She was born January 25, 1907. She would have been 100 today were she still alive. She passed away December 5, 1995. I miss her greatly. She and my grandfather raised me from the time I was 6 months old. I am grateful for my grandparents. My grandmother had been in a coma for a week on the day she died. I spent the entire day with her on her last day on earth. She may have been in a coma and paralyzed from the stroke she had which put her in the coma, but I knew she heard me on that last day. I spent that day alone with her talking to her, stroking her hand, smoothing her hair, kissing her weathered cheek. Several times she grunted and once she actually turned over as she tried hard to speak. The doctor said it was impossible for her to have done that but both the nurse and myself saw it. The nurse told me that she was trying to talk to me and that she believed people in comas hear our words. At the end of the day I told my grandmother I loved her and I was grateful for all she had done for me throughout my life. I kissed her goodbye and told her to pass on. Then I walked out of the hospital never to see my dear grandmother again. Several hours later and my husband and I were on the road, making the 700 mile trek back to Indiana, my grandmother died. I knew she would. She wanted to wait to pass until I was gone. She didn’t want to put me through that. I have always been grateful that I was able to spend my grandmothers last day on earth with her. Happy Birthday Grandmom.

Today was also my first smoke free day when I quite smoking in 2002. I had my last cigarette January 24, 2002 at 11:25PM. Some days I miss it greatly. I have never regretted quitting smoking, even though I chunked on a few pounds from the process. Life should be full of days that you don’t regret. I wish I had more days that I don’t regret.

I did something out of character for me today. I went to the bookstore. That’s not the out of character thing, I go to the bookstore quite a lot. In fact they know me by name now. What I bought was very out of character for me. I bought a bible. It just occurred to me that we don’t have a bible in our house. We may not be church goers but the hubster and I definitely believe in God and were both raised in the church. (Different religions though). Odd that we didn’t have a bible before now, eh? I have to say though, buying a bible can be very confusing now days. Do you know how many versions there are out there? There was the King James, the new King James, the International bible, the new International bible, the Womens bible, the Mens bible, the Childrens bible, the new revised bible, even something called the Duct Tape bible. You name it they had it. I kept looking for the row that said “Just a plain old bible” but I never found it. I guess they didn’t have that. So in the end I picked a bible by choosing the one with the prettiest cover. That’s pretty much the same way I buy a car.

When I left the bookstore I decided I would pick up a sandwich for lunch and take it home. Normally if I eat breakfast I don’t eat lunch, and if I eat lunch I don’t eat breakfast. This morning I didn’t eat breakfast so lunch it was. I arrived at the sandwich shoppe at 11:45, which anyone knows is the height of lunchtime for office workers. Oddly there were absolutely no customers in the sandwich shoppe even though there were many large office complexes nearby. Odd don’t you think? Did they know something I didn’t? I should have taken that as a sign and walked out, but I plunged forward. Silly me. I got home and plopped in front of the TV to watch Judge Judy while I ate my ham and cheese sub sandwich. I didn’t know it was possible to screw up a simple ham and cheese sub but this sandwich shoppe did. After the third bite I gave up and put it in the dogs dish. Mr. “I’ll eat anything including other dogs poo”, looked at the sandwich, sniffed it, licked it, looked like he was going to be ill and walked away… rapidly. I have vowed that from now on I will only buy lunch from restaurants that are incredibly busy.

Over the weekend the hubster and I went to Muncie to visit with the widow of a good friend of his fathers. The hubsters father and this man had served in WWII together and had been on two ships together that sunk. They were in most of the famous Naval battles in the South Pacific. Their stories are fascinating and we can’t get enough. Sadly both men are long gone but we are determined that their sacrifice will not be forgotten. I digress once again though. When we were making plans to drive up to Muncie Charlotte (the widow) told not to ruin our appetites because she was making snacks. Now I’m Johnny on the spot when you mention snacks, so that was great by me. Diet be damned. I should have known better. The “snacks” turned out to be a small cereal bowl of stale popcorn that Charlotte had, which she stuck in the microwave for several minutes to warm up. It burnt to a crisp but she didn’t seem to notice the black chunks of charcoaled popcorn and served it anyway. She spilt a midget can of coke between the hubster and I so once it was spilt between the two glasses we had a whopping 3 tablespoons of liquid each. We needed every drop of that liquid to wash down the charcoal bits of popcorn. I’m just glad she didn’t cook dinner for us!

Charlotte showed us some poems her dearly departed husband had written. Who would have thought that this WWII sailor would be a poet? And after WWII when he came home and started farming he continued his poetry. One of the poems was sent in lieu of a letter to his son who was in the Army at the time and stationed in Germany in 1969. He put all of the news from home in poetry. It was so cool. He referenced the song Turn, Turn, Turn by the Byrds several times. Apparently that was one of his favorite songs at the time. These WWII Navy guys really surprise me. Every time you thing you have them pegged you find out something else remarkable about them. I don’t think I’ll ever tire of hearing the stories about them, and every time I hear the song Turn, Turn, Turn I will think of John Penrod now. I wish I could have known him.

My husband is one of the thirty people in the entire Midwest that have never been to California. 2007 is our year for change, so he is determined to broaden his horizons and do some California Dreaming. As with anything that the Rainman does, he has been researching a possible California trip nine ways to Sunday. Speaking of which, what exactly does that phrase “nine ways to Sunday” mean? I’ve always wondered that. I digress though.

So the Hubster has been pouring over the maps and glued to the Internet for days trying to determine exactly where in California he would like to go. This morning as the snows pelted the frozen Midwest tundra he made his decision.

“Los Angeles” he simply pronounced over breakfast.

“That’s great” I said with jubilance, as I ticked off the various bloggers I could meet up with. “Lets see,” I droned, “We could take Juanita and little Kat out to lunch, maybe do coffee with Xanax Mom, and we couldn’t pass up the opportunity to have a café au-laite and muffin on the beach with Secret Agent Josephine and Baby Bug and we absolutely have to do lunch with Neil’s Penis.”

“Whoa” the hubster commanded. “I have no problem with meeting up with Cats and Bugs, or even drug dealing mothers or whatever a Xanax Mom is, but I may have to draw the line at hanging out with some guys penis.”

“It’s okay” I assured him. “Neil’s penis writes in the first person, just like Neil, so it’s all good.”

“Hmmm” he pondered. “I wonder how much Neil’s penis eats.”

“We could always ask Sophia” I said dryly, “but I’m pretty sure Neil’s penis has an insatiable appetite. Bring lots of ones just to be on the safe side though.”

I have a confession. Last Thursday I went out to lunch with the self proclaimed faith healer neighbor. And worst of all we went to a Chinese buffet. Yes, I know I have sworn off of Chinese buffets but she was driving, what could I do? I know, just say no. But I didn’t and I have the heartburn to prove it. Why am I talking about this a week later? Because I rashly made a commitment last week. sigh… After lunch last Thursday the self proclaimed faith healer neighbor asked me if I would go out to lunch with her this Friday (meaning tomorrow 1/19). My mind was saying “Oh hell no” but my mouth said “I’d love to”. I really meant to say no, I really did. She wanted to do it on Friday because her daughter is off of school tomorrow and would get to go with us. That would be the 10 year old girl who’s tone of voice is permanently stuck on ear-splitting loud. I am still trying to recover from the last time I went out to a Chinese buffet with Deb and her daughter. I’m not sure what disease I am going to invent to get out of going to lunch with her tomorrow but trust me it will be a doozy!

Today I was running a few errands and I happened to be next to the new Goodwill store that opened up a couple of months ago. It was a guilty pleasure but I just had to stop and peruse the shelves. For some reason Hoosiers love their Goodwill stores. I have to admit I am a little addicted to them as well. I like to browse in the Goodwill. It is like taking a tour of history. You see clothes and household goods from the 70’ and 80’s and even the 60’s at times. Going to a Goodwill store is better than some of the antique stores here. I rarely buy anything but I love the thrill of the hunt. And there is always the “Freak Magnet” factor. Today was no exception. The freaks were drawn to me like moths to a flame. I am looking at a 200 piece jigsaw puzzle and one lady comes up to me exclaiming “you’re not going to buy that are you? I am getting eye strain just by looking at the cover of the box, there is no way anybody can put together 2000 tiny little pieces. Tell me you aren’t going to buy it!” Uh, no, I was just looking at it. I promise I’ll put it right back. I promise. This same lady came up to my cart later and pulled a box out of my cart to see what was in it. Apparently she couldn’t figure out what was in the box and it was driving her crazy, so did I mind if she took a peek? By the time she had finished asking me she had already taken a peek and returned the box to my cart. Then there was the lady that saw the Mickey mouse hat in my cart and just had to grab it and try it on. Don’t ask me what I was doing with a Mickey Mouse hat in my cart, you don’t really want to know. I’ll just let your imagination run with that one.

Oops, Winter finally fell and so did the snow. I woke up to a blanket of white this morning. It filled my heart with joy and reckless abandonment. I’m not exactly sure what reckless abandonment is but it sounds good on paper, eh? After I got out of the shower I threw on some clothes (always a helpful thing to do), tossed back a cup of joe and went outside in the frozen tundra. At first I thought I would shovel snow. I absolutely love shoveling snow. I even shovel snow in the midst of snow storms just so I will have the pleasure of shoveling the walk again at the end of the snow storm. Alas, there wasn’t enough snow to shovel this morning. There wasn’t even enough snow to sweep, at least on the sidewalk. The snow was all on my car. And there was plenty of it on there too. How odd that snow won’t stick to the street but it will on your car. Is that one of those Murphy law things? Damn that Murphy. And in true Murphy Law fashion, I opened the car door and an avalanche of the white stuff fell and landed on my leather seat.

Eventually I had the snow cleared off of my seat and windshield enough to drive off. Today is new release Tuesday at the video store and I wasn’t about to let something as minor as a snow storm impede my video renting. I slipped and slid all the way down the street to the main road. Once on the main road I slipped and skidded even more, even though I was only going 25 miles an hour. We have been having monsoons here in the Midwest and everywhere you look is flooded. Therefore we had some nice ice patches underneath the snow. I took my life in my hands by venturing out to the video store. And of course I get to the video store and the new releases sucked or were movies I had already seen at the theater. Once again a testament as to what a prick that Murphy is.

I didn’t want my venture into the blizzard to be a total loss so I decided to do a bit of much needed grocery shopping since I was out anyway. You could see the lines of the parking spaces in the parking lot at Meijer. But this blind person took advantage of the snow by parking in the middle of the aisle that the cars drive down. That way they could be right by the front door of the store. Snow brings out the morons, or at least here in Indiana it does. I go in the store and the greeter chats with me about the idiot that left their car in the middle of the aisle of the parking lot. That was the days big excitement I guess. What can I say, we are hard-up for entertainment here in the Midwest. I was only in the store for 45 minutes. But don’t you know, when I came out the sun was shining and most of the snow had melted. And I am thinking I risked my life to get here as I slipped and skidded all over the roads, when I could have waited another half an hour and had clear roads and a sunny day? WTF? Damn you Murphy! Damn you!

Have you ever had such a vivid dream (or nightmare) that when you wake up you feel like it is still with you? That’s what happened to me this morning. I had a horrid dream about myself and several other people (strangers to me) being captured by either aliens or a future race of people. More aptly a future race of people I would say. We were all sitting on long sofas in a big room waiting to see what they would do to us. Several of us were chosen to make dinner for them. I was one of the people chosen. The future beings (which looked just like us only more serene) made me lay down as they put a thing on my stomach to heat my stomach up. It looked like the cord and control that you put on an electric fryer. Then they put this long white spoon looking trough in my mouth and were going to get pills that would aid in some way. I don’t know if the pills were to keep me from gagging or what. They were going to put food in my stomach via the trough. But I told them that I needed to sit up and I didn’t need the pills, I would swallow what ever they said I had to. They seemed astonished that I would be able to swallow it without aid of the pills but they agreed to let me try. Then they came in with a huge slab of raw dry aged beef. I sat there and ate hunks of it, slowly chewing, fighting to keeping from vomiting it up. Halfway through I could eat no more as my stomach was heaving. I hid the rest in the couch cushions. It became apparent to me that my stomach would be cooking the raw meat, thus the temperature control on my stomach. And that they would be forcing me to vomit the meat up for other’s consumption.

Then one of the beings came in with a net and asked which females were 18 or older and unmarried. I was 18 or older and unmarried but I was afraid to stand up. One girl did stand up and the being threw the net on her and dragged her away. At that point I became very afraid that they would find out that I hadn’t consumed all of the raw beef and they would force it down my throat via the trough anyway. I was never so glad to have the hubster wake me up. Talk about waking me up at the perfect moment! The weird thing was that I could taste the raw beef when I woke up and I felt like my stomach was bloated and thought I was going to vomit. I was nauseous all morning as a matter of fact. Odd, eh? Please tell me I'm not the only one that has weird dreams. I don't have off the wall dreams (or nightmares) like this often, but every now and then I get a real doozy. And yes, I dream in color. Well, unless I'm in a bad B movie.

So tell me, am I the only one that is becoming addicted to that wacked out show “I Love New York” on VH1? It’s like a train wreck, I just can’t turn away. It is a super annoying show, but I can't help but watch it. The second episode aired tonight. I already have my favorites. I think Chance will be the one to win but I like White Boy too. I’ll have to do some searching on the web and see if I can find a spoiler to see who wins. If anyone knows let me know. And yes, I read the last page of a book before I read the first page sometimes. I never claimed to be a patient person so get over it. Oops, did I say that?

I would have to say I now know the meaning of too much information. I tried to do a good deed by ordering the WWII Naval history of a certain person who served with my husbands father in WWII. Both my father in law and his friend are long deceased. I was doing this good deed for his widow who has become a good friend of ours. The large packet arrived yesterday.

The hubster and I sat down together to peruse the fascinating information on John’s Naval service in WWII. We came across a blurb about his being cut a grade as punishment for bringing liquor onboard the ship. This was rather shocking to us because everyone who knew John told us what a religious man he was. When we got to his medical records our eyes really got big. It went into great detail about how he got the clap not once, but twice from prostitutes. The first time they forgave him the incident and said it was through no fault of his own. But the second time they weren’t as lenient. They charged him with misconduct the second time and as a result he was not eligible to wear the good conduct medal. Needless to say, we will be removing those papers prior to giving the packet to John’s widow. Just goes to show, you never know. I have to say though, times were different and those men were faced with their own mortality and not knowing if their next day would be their last day on earth. So I can’t fault them for sleeping with unclean women. They are still heroes to me. And thanks to the gallant men of WWII I live in a free country.

The hubster and I strongly dislike Chinese buffets, although we are huge fans of Asian food. Actually I would have to say we dislike all buffets as a general rule. It’s not that we don’t mind standing in line dishing up our own servings. It’s that buffets are in our experience dried up nasty food that even my dog wouldn’t eat. That was our experience tonight when we went to #8 China Buffet. I think the food was left over from the lunch buffet… last week.

I can’t put down all Chinese buffets though. Last September the hubster and I went to a Chinese buffet in Muncie and loved it. They had everything you could ever want to eat and it was all freshly prepared and quite tasty. That was the exception not the rule however.

So as of tonight I officially put a pox on eating at Chinese buffets. Now if you’ll excuse me I think I need to puke.

Well, it wasn’t my hair that was cut, actually it was my 6 year old granddaughters hair. Jas has been wanting her hair cut for some time now. But since she has the longest hair of anyone in her entire school, her parents were reluctant to cut her hair. This weekend they did allow her to get it cut though and she loves it. I think it is over the top cute as well. She is the cute girl in the jeans jacket pictured above. It looks like she wanted to copy her friend’s hairstyle a little, eh?

No fear, just a test post. But I probably DID say the F word.