Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Oops, I Miss Him

I would love to tell you how great things are right now, but why lie. Ever since Friday I haven’t gone for longer than 30 minutes without crying except when I am sleeping, and even then I probably cry in my sleep. I keep doing things out of habit like getting up to let the dog in and then I realize he is in doggie heaven and I start crying all over again. It’s so hard. I don’t think I cried this much when my grandma died, and she was the person I loved most in this world.

I tried to make his last day a happy one. I made him a couple of scrambled eggs and gave him many, many treats. I spent the entire afternoon in the family room with him. Just before our appointment I took him to a doggie park so he could sniff doggie butts. He wasn’t able to run around with the other dogs, but he did mark his territory by peeing all over every inanimate object he could find. That always makes him happy. He was smiling and happy that last afternoon. He even took a massive poop in front of the building that the procedure was being done at. Then my friend Rosemary arrived and we went inside for our appointment. Thank God she was there for me. I don’t know how I would have gotten through it otherwise. She took care of the last minute paperwork for me. I hugged Moose and talked to him and told him what a good doggie he was and how much Greg and I love him. I told him I was sorry he was in pain and hadn’t been feeling well lately. I told him I was so sorry for all the times I had been grumpy with him and it wasn’t his fault, it was mine. I even asked him not to haunt me. Then it was time. I wrapped my arms around his neck and buried my face in his hair and kissed him all over his face and head, telling him repeatedly I love him. And it was over. He was 11 years and 28 days old.

Afterwards Rosemary and I went to dinner. That’s not a true statement. We actually went to a restaurant and ordered dinner. There wasn’t much eating going on though. I took two bites and couldn’t bring myself to force any more food down. So we just sat and talked for an hour. She told me funny stories about annoying things her kids her husband had done and I sat there allowing her to take my mind off of things. When I got home my oldest son came and took things away for me, as I had asked him to do. Things like Moose’s bed and food and toys and such. I couldn’t bear to look at them. Especially not his favorite toys. I was in bed by 10pm that night. I had such a massive headache from all the crying. When my husband left for Maryland on March 1st, he told me to be nice to Moose, that he would be a good companion for me in his absence. He was right. I miss that stupid dog so much.
posted by Daisy Martin at 12:18 PM | Permalink |


  • At April 1, 2008 at 1:35 PM, Blogger MarkD60

    Daisy, I'm really sorry.
    I worry about the same thing, but it has to be unbearable.

    Wish I could offer you some advice.

  • At April 1, 2008 at 3:01 PM, Blogger Oopsy Daisy

    Thanks Mark. Time and a trip to the Cayman's is what I need. ;-)

  • At April 1, 2008 at 9:23 PM, Anonymous ern

    Daisy, anyone of us who have lost a dear pet know how you must feel. (My Clare's dishes and crate as still in the kitchen and she left last July.) I just worry that you're there alone, rattling around in a house you want to leave. Wish I could think of something helpful to do.

  • At April 2, 2008 at 9:32 AM, Anonymous StaceyB

    Can't. Stop. Crying. So sad. My male dog is not fixed and he's 8 years old. Is this what I have to look forward to?

  • At April 2, 2008 at 10:39 AM, Blogger Oopsy Daisy

    wow Ern I don't know how you can bear to look at Clare's dish and crate. That has to be so hard. It's getting a little better each day.

    Stacy, I'd get him fixed, even at this late stage. Had we done that a couple of years ago this might have been prevented. They get prostrate trouble too if they aren't fixed.

  • At April 3, 2008 at 9:59 AM, Blogger Sam

    I'm SO SORRY. I am crying too. Dogs are such wonderful creatures. They're perfect, except they don't live long enough.
    But I'm sure doggy heaven is a Wonderful place. And he's up there with my Lassie (OK, I was only 7 when I named her, and she sort of looked like a colley) and my Hessi, and my Boots, and my Fudge, and my Juno.
    Too many dogs.
    They don't live long enough.

  • At April 3, 2008 at 1:56 PM, Blogger Jerry

    Never a good thing to have to do, but remember that no animal should have to live in pain.

    I hope the pain eases soon.

  • At April 3, 2008 at 10:58 PM, Blogger Dorothy Thompson

    Oh Daisy, I am so sorry. Neither one of my dogs are fixed...one is a female at 10 years old and Max, the boy, is I think about 8. Damn. I wish I could give you a hug...I know you miss him....

  • At April 9, 2008 at 9:05 AM, Blogger Carnealian

    Sorry doesn't help, but I'm sorry for your loss. I just lost my dear old friend Lester yesterday. I feel guilty for so many things I wish I would have done differently. He got to die at home and in my arms. For that I'm thankful. There's nothing that will relieve the pain but time. Know that your pup is happy and free and no longer in pain. And he was loved.