I would love to tell you how great things are right now, but why lie. Ever since Friday I haven’t gone for longer than 30 minutes without crying except when I am sleeping, and even then I probably cry in my sleep. I keep doing things out of habit like getting up to let the dog in and then I realize he is in doggie heaven and I start crying all over again. It’s so hard. I don’t think I cried this much when my grandma died, and she was the person I loved most in this world.

I tried to make his last day a happy one. I made him a couple of scrambled eggs and gave him many, many treats. I spent the entire afternoon in the family room with him. Just before our appointment I took him to a doggie park so he could sniff doggie butts. He wasn’t able to run around with the other dogs, but he did mark his territory by peeing all over every inanimate object he could find. That always makes him happy. He was smiling and happy that last afternoon. He even took a massive poop in front of the building that the procedure was being done at. Then my friend Rosemary arrived and we went inside for our appointment. Thank God she was there for me. I don’t know how I would have gotten through it otherwise. She took care of the last minute paperwork for me. I hugged Moose and talked to him and told him what a good doggie he was and how much Greg and I love him. I told him I was sorry he was in pain and hadn’t been feeling well lately. I told him I was so sorry for all the times I had been grumpy with him and it wasn’t his fault, it was mine. I even asked him not to haunt me. Then it was time. I wrapped my arms around his neck and buried my face in his hair and kissed him all over his face and head, telling him repeatedly I love him. And it was over. He was 11 years and 28 days old.

Afterwards Rosemary and I went to dinner. That’s not a true statement. We actually went to a restaurant and ordered dinner. There wasn’t much eating going on though. I took two bites and couldn’t bring myself to force any more food down. So we just sat and talked for an hour. She told me funny stories about annoying things her kids her husband had done and I sat there allowing her to take my mind off of things. When I got home my oldest son came and took things away for me, as I had asked him to do. Things like Moose’s bed and food and toys and such. I couldn’t bear to look at them. Especially not his favorite toys. I was in bed by 10pm that night. I had such a massive headache from all the crying. When my husband left for Maryland on March 1st, he told me to be nice to Moose, that he would be a good companion for me in his absence. He was right. I miss that stupid dog so much.