Friday, May 11, 2007
Oops, My Neighbor is Ignorant

Oh no, I did it again. Yup, I went out to lunch with the self proclaimed faith healer neighbor today. I must be out of my mind! By the end of the lunch I was ready to whack her upside the head with a plate at the all you can eat Chinese barf-ette. First she knocks on my door asking me to go out to lunch with her. I say yes and as I am walking out my front door she just walks over to my vehicle and climbs in the passenger seat. Note to self: start locking the car door at all times. She tells me as I drive that she wants to save her gas since they are so poor right now. I felt like telling her “well maybe you’d better eat lunch at home then”.

The real clincher was after lunch when she is talking. She tells me about her homosexual brother and sister. She has prayed for years that her brother’s relationship with his partner would end. It seems God finally answered her prayers by giving her brothers partner cancer in the breast and cancer “down there”. She proceeds to tell me how it is a sign from God that being gay is wrong and that is why God smote this poor man with a female cancer. WTF? Now don’t shoot the messenger but she goes on to tell me that the reason God gives women breast cancer is because they have been “loose”. I am sure my Aunt Mattie who died from breast cancer after only giving her self to one man (her husband) in her entire life would have been glad to hear that. What ignorance! Some of the things she believes floors me with the sheer ignorance of it.

For instance, she was telling me that God was teaching her brother a lesson by killing his partner because her brother made her sister gay by inviting her to a gay party when she was in her late teens. Apparently seeing all of the gay people at the party made her sister gay. Wow, I didn’t know gayness was contagious. Good to know. I tell you, my head is reeling with all of the rude, ignorant things that came out of her mouth today. I need to take some blood pressure medicine because listening to her spout her ignorance really raised my blood pressure. I should tell several breast cancer organizations about her views on why people get breast cancer, just so I can watch as they drive up to her house to beat the crap out of her.

And don’t ever tell the leech that you are expecting money. She was telling me about this man at their church who was recently granted permanent disability status and therefore is expecting a large disability check from Social Security. She said that she and her husband keep asking him if he received the check yet and the very day he does they are going to hit him up for some money. Her feeling is that God gave him that disability and thus that money to help her out. It’s all about her after all.

When we returned home she asks me if she can come in for a while, even though she sees that the Hubster is home. I pretended I didn’t hear her and damn if she didn’t just walk into the house. The hubster was smart – he left. Lucky guy! I wasn’t able to get rid of her until 3pm. The horror! I feel like I need to go and sit in a library or something this afternoon to gain some semblance of intelligence back because I am certain my IQ dropped about ten points just after spending a couple of hours with her. Good grief!

I need a Tylenol!
posted by Daisy Martin at 1:22 PM | Permalink |


  • At May 11, 2007 at 2:23 PM, Anonymous ehg

    Yup. Let's all hold hands and pray the gay away.
    I knew I felt the world shift a few days ago. I guess it was changing from heliocentric to faith-healer-centric!
    Again, write that damn script Daisy...."Why no, I can't go to lunch, I'm have a pancreatitis attack and can't eat." (Trust me on this. I had to do it for three years until I got rid of my own personal FHFH.)

  • At May 11, 2007 at 6:16 PM, Blogger Oopsy Daisy

    No way Ern, you had a neighbor from hell too? I thought I was the only one. Poor Greg is so disgusted by all I told him about what she said today that I think he might be in the bathroom vomiting right now. Oh yes, there was much more that I didn't tell...yet. AAGGHHHHH!!!!

  • At May 11, 2007 at 9:01 PM, Anonymous Anonymous

    Umm, why do you keep doing this to yourself? :)

  • At May 11, 2007 at 10:28 PM, Blogger Oopsy Daisy

    Lita I am either a glutton for punishment or else incredibly bored. Am I am probably too busy to be bored. LOL

  • At May 12, 2007 at 2:04 AM, Blogger Sam

    People like that just make me more sure that God doesn't exist, because if there was a god, he would have smote her with a lightning bolt Ages ago.
    (Um...don't sit too close to her - you never know...)

  • At May 12, 2007 at 7:35 AM, Blogger Oopsy Daisy

    Hmm... we have been having some lightening attacks as of late.

  • At May 13, 2007 at 5:30 AM, Blogger Kate R

    do you suppose she'd say something like that to her brother? If he's still talking to her, that is.

    I was going to say that she went out to lunch with you because no one else would, but she must belong to some church.

  • At May 13, 2007 at 5:31 AM, Blogger Kate R

    go out to lunch with HER! with HER! not with you, if you see what I mean.

    I think I'll go pray for coffee. It's mother's day so I'm getting it in bed but it's not happening yet. Argh

  • At May 13, 2007 at 6:59 AM, Blogger Oopsy Daisy

    Oh she does say stuff like that to her brother and sister Kate. She's a hill-jack from the hills of West Va. She doesn't care how it sounds coming out because she has the keys to the gates of heaven while the rest of us sinners are gonna burn in hell. she honestly believes she knows as much as God. Scary. She goes to some cult type church where everyone is annointed with a gift of the spirit. Gift of craziness!

  • At May 15, 2007 at 5:05 AM, Blogger Kay Richardson

    Yes. Loving the blog. Does 'f' stand for food? Or fuck? I've been arguing with my mother about this.

  • At May 15, 2007 at 9:47 AM, Blogger Oopsy Daisy

    Kay you are the first one to ask that question! Actually, I did mean it to be the nasty F-word (Food). I started this blog in January after my New years resolution of losing about 50 pounds. I think most people assume it means the other F-word so I've never really clarified.

    Thanks for asking that question. So who was right, you or your mom?

  • At May 17, 2007 at 11:43 AM, Blogger Myfanwy

    There you are sitting in the middle of suburbia hell. Start writing this stuff down. I am sorry but I was howling with laughter while I was reading of your unbelievable neighbours. You have the makings of a great humour novel. Oh and I would definitely tell everyone at city hall about her.
    Sometimes real life is more unbelievable than fiction. Your right keep the car door locked time your neighbour may feel it was a sign from heaven for her to borrow said car. Great blog OOpsy..thanks

  • At May 20, 2007 at 4:36 PM, Blogger Mr. Toast

    I'm surprised the parasite didn't try to talk you into paying for her lunch!