Oh no, I did it again. Yup, I went out to lunch with the self proclaimed faith healer neighbor today. I must be out of my mind! By the end of the lunch I was ready to whack her upside the head with a plate at the all you can eat Chinese barf-ette. First she knocks on my door asking me to go out to lunch with her. I say yes and as I am walking out my front door she just walks over to my vehicle and climbs in the passenger seat. Note to self: start locking the car door at all times. She tells me as I drive that she wants to save her gas since they are so poor right now. I felt like telling her “well maybe you’d better eat lunch at home then”.

The real clincher was after lunch when she is talking. She tells me about her homosexual brother and sister. She has prayed for years that her brother’s relationship with his partner would end. It seems God finally answered her prayers by giving her brothers partner cancer in the breast and cancer “down there”. She proceeds to tell me how it is a sign from God that being gay is wrong and that is why God smote this poor man with a female cancer. WTF? Now don’t shoot the messenger but she goes on to tell me that the reason God gives women breast cancer is because they have been “loose”. I am sure my Aunt Mattie who died from breast cancer after only giving her self to one man (her husband) in her entire life would have been glad to hear that. What ignorance! Some of the things she believes floors me with the sheer ignorance of it.

For instance, she was telling me that God was teaching her brother a lesson by killing his partner because her brother made her sister gay by inviting her to a gay party when she was in her late teens. Apparently seeing all of the gay people at the party made her sister gay. Wow, I didn’t know gayness was contagious. Good to know. I tell you, my head is reeling with all of the rude, ignorant things that came out of her mouth today. I need to take some blood pressure medicine because listening to her spout her ignorance really raised my blood pressure. I should tell several breast cancer organizations about her views on why people get breast cancer, just so I can watch as they drive up to her house to beat the crap out of her.

And don’t ever tell the leech that you are expecting money. She was telling me about this man at their church who was recently granted permanent disability status and therefore is expecting a large disability check from Social Security. She said that she and her husband keep asking him if he received the check yet and the very day he does they are going to hit him up for some money. Her feeling is that God gave him that disability and thus that money to help her out. It’s all about her after all.

When we returned home she asks me if she can come in for a while, even though she sees that the Hubster is home. I pretended I didn’t hear her and damn if she didn’t just walk into the house. The hubster was smart – he left. Lucky guy! I wasn’t able to get rid of her until 3pm. The horror! I feel like I need to go and sit in a library or something this afternoon to gain some semblance of intelligence back because I am certain my IQ dropped about ten points just after spending a couple of hours with her. Good grief!

I need a Tylenol!